Ever since I attended the talk last Sunday on work-life balance, I've been thinking about it and asking the older young adults that I know about their stand on this. As expected, the answers are varied. I think the key determinant of these differneces is not so much the age or gender, but the industry that the person is in.

The people I've asked so far are people holding the same faith as me. No point asking non-christians coz in my opinion, no God = no meaningful purpose in work, or in anything at all. LOL. Anyway, I have a friend who is in the same line as me. Her work is her life and her life is her work. I also ahve another friend who seperates time for work from time for family, friends etc. Another friend who is a free lancer (his interest in work changes quite frequently), is still seeking God when it comes to his calling in his career.

My conclusion for now is, I am bloody confused, and who am I to judge who is better than the other anyway? I am still thinking about it and hoping to mould a lifestyle that is meaningful and non-hurtful to those that matter to me.

Anyway, work has been rather fruitful. I am glad I am able to share my personal experience about how God has impacted my life, with my clients. But fundamentally I believe actions speak louder than words. I am still learning to be more patient, empathetic and discerning. Less ego and less clown-like. Everyday is a learning experience.

Besides that, I also realised today that my stamina is really really really TEROK! I was having an appt with a friend today and it lasted for about 3 hours. I was so drained during and after the session and I even felt that I was losing my voice. If I rem correctly, I was somewhat panting as I did the sales presentation and as I answered her queries. And I am only 23 this year. How can right?!

Many things to do tmr, including exercise in the morning. May I defeat the snooze enemy, the hp alarm clock! Good blessed night!

There was a one hour interview on CNBC with Warren Buffet, the second richest man who has donated $31 billion to charity .

Here are some very interesting aspects of his life :
1. He bought his first share at age 11 and he now regrets that he started too late! '

2. He bought a small farm at age 14 with savings from delivering newspapers.

3. He still lives in the same small 3-bedroom house in mid-town Omaha, that he bought after he
got married 50 years ago .He says that he has everything he needs in that house.
His house does not have a wall or a fence.

4. He drives his own car everywhere and does not have a driver or security people around him.

5. He never travels by private jet , although he owns the world's largest private jet company.

6. His company, Berkshire Hathaway, owns 63 companies. He writes only one letter each year to the CEOs of these companies, giving them goals for the year. He never holds meetings or calls them on a regular basis . He has given his CEO's only two rules .
Rule number 1 : do not lose any of your share holder's money .
Rule number 2 : Do not forget rule number 1.

7. He does not socialize with the high society crowd . His past time after he gets home is to make himself some pop corn and watch Television .

8. Bill Gates, the world's richest man met him for the first time only 5 years ago. Bill Gates did not think he had anything in common with Warren Buffet. So he had scheduled his meeting only for half hour. But when Gates met him, the meeting lasted for ten hours and Bill Gates became a devotee of Warren Buffet.

9. Warren Buffet does not carry a cell phone, nor has a computer on his desk. His advice to young people: ' Stay away from credit cards and invest in yourself and Remember:

A. Money doesn't create man but it is the man who created money.

B. Live your life as simple as you are.

C. Don't do what others say, just listen them, but do what you feel good.

D. Don't go on brand name ; just wear those things in which u feel comfortable.

E. Don't waste your money on unnecessary things; just spend on them who really in need rather.

F. After all it's your life then why give chance to others to rule our life .

I am glad to know that there are such rich and yet humble man around, who are such great examples of Christ-like living. Another of such man is senior Balakrishnan. I was in a forum where he spoke about the topic of "what really matters (in life)". He is a very intelligent yet humble and patient man. It feels very comfortable to speak to him coz he does not judge but listens. His sense of empathy is strong coz you dont have to say much for him to understand what you are trying to convey. He is indeed a blessing to his family and those around him.

Church was pretty good today considering that I was alone most of the time during service coz my sister came in late. But I felt totally at home even though I was sitting alone. I burst out laughing everytime the preacher crackeda joke. It was joyous to be among fellow Christians and to be in the house of God. Thanks be to God for that peace of mind and joy.

Ok I need to do some work before heading for bed. It will be a good week ahead! I canfeel it!

Been pretty busy these 3 days, meeting people, preparing sales presentation, preparing cases, reviewing polices, learning up abt products, calling pple etc. I got so bogged down by these processes that I didnt even bother to stop and reflect on what the heck I was even doing all this for. Yes I do it for the income, for the experience that I need, and more imptly, coz I find energy from speaking to people. Sounds self-centered? Damn right it is.

It is so easy to get off track and lose focus on the bigger picture. I will not explain further coz if you know what I mean, you know what I mean. If you dont, time will show you what I mean here. I am just really tired now and I want to sleep.

In times like this, I will momentarily wish tat Adam & Eve didnt eat that damn apple, and that butter trade was still happening and that money didnt even exist. But I know these are useless thoughts that are a pure waste of time and energy. Undeniably, I still have such thoughts every now and then. Difference from then and now is that I am more aware, and I learn to fight these thoughts and get it out of my mind asap. I know it can eat a person up without even he or she realising it.

Well, I am learning to act and think like an adult. May God give me strength to do what's best for Him and me.

Working aint easy. It is so easy to think about giving up or to question why am I even doing what I am doing. The answer always brings me back to the fundamental of life. I was moved by this song playing in the background as I was doing some work on the computer, with alot more thoughts running through my mind. BE STRONG PEOPLE! U'RE BLESSED AND HIGHLY FAVOURED, whether u realise it or not.

DEEPER IN LOVE
Copyright: 1996 INTEGRITYS HOSANNA! MUSIC
Year: 1996

There is a longing only You can fill
A raging tempest only You can still
My soul is thirsty LordTo know You as I'm known
Drink from the river
That flows before Your throne

Take me deeper
Deeper in love with You
Jesus hold me close in Your embrace
Take me deeperDeeper than I've ever been before
I just want to love You more and more
How I long to be deeper in love

Sunrise to sunriseI will seek Your face
Drawn by the Spirit
To the promise of Your grace
My heart has found in You
A hope that will abide
Here in Your presence
Forever satisfied

Take me deeper
Deeper in love with You
Jesus hold me close in Your embrace
Take me deeperDeeper than I've ever been before
I just want to love You more and more
How I long to be deeper in love

This is amazing. I am currently holding chat windows with 2 close friends.
Lessons from 2 of them: Be more thoughtful with my words.

It is so easy to judge others esp now that I am more comfortable in my own skin. Also because it is much easier to identify with pple who are stuck in the rut. Most of the time I am tempted to give such individuals a peace of my mind about how much self-pity and how myopic they are. I literally wanna yell at them and I really get mad at them for not valueing or seeing the value of their life. I did just that to a friend who has been in the same situation for the longest time. My conclusion to him to shut myself up: If you don't wanna help yourself, no one else can. I think I will leave it as that.

I judge my life too. I am glad that I went thru everything that I did, regardless of how silly and juvernile I feel that were. But when it comes to relating how these experiences have moulded me into who I am today, I tend be inconsiderate in terms of the words I use to describe these past experiences. It then becomes offensive if those experiences involved the person I am relating it to. Result: I unknowingly offend the person.

My enthusiasm for my work and my life can offend others in another way. It is most evident in my tele-conversations with the friends that I call for appt. I have yet to overcome this part of myself. I admit, it does not feel good to be tagged as an insurance agent and all its negative connotations. But when I call people and they ask me what I do, I have to tell them. And u prob guessed ask much. The usual skeptism can sometimes be deepened by my thoughtless choice of words, that will all in all result 'hard sell'. But my intention is not to sell! But I cant the message thru, plus I am not so proud of my label as Insurance Agent. Result: Worse impression of insurance agents than before.

I have also been thoughtless in my expression of God'slove and blessing upon me. I am going 'thanks be to God', 'Praise the Lord' every now and then for the wonderful things happening to me. But to non-believers, it is so darn irritating, or it could potentially be given longer exposure to such exclamations. If a friend didnt tell me to tone down on that, I prob would never know how inconsiderate I've been these few weeks. Conclusion: Actions speak louder than words, so do more and shut up more.

Now I am thinking, should I even be blogging these thoughts at all. ...

I finally got down to calling people after one whole week of not doing that. I got quite worried coz my organiser looked pretty empty for next week. The desire to get it to look at least not-so-blank, actually got me around to pick up that phone exactly at 6pm (as specified in my daily schedule) to start calling. Thanks be to God. ALthough I got a few rejections, they were alright. THe people that didnt want to meet up with were not terribly nasty but genuinely turned off by their previous experience with insurance agents. I don't blame them. This industry hasnt been in the limelight for the right reasons all the time.

It was a pretty long day. As usual, difficult to start the engine going in the morning as I crawled out of bed. BUt once I hit the shower, thanks be to God, I wanted to start working all over again. Surprisingly, although I only had one appointment today (miraculously, I couldnt find someone to lunch with at the airport! the airport!), I didnt go shopping or do something unconstructive. I thank God for that.

On my LOonnng way back from the airport, a thought came to my mind as I evaluated on my presentation to the only appt of the day. I think I need to be more professional in my approach and presentation. Afterall, people are letting me handle their finances, I cant be a clown all the time. And I dont like it that people dont take me seriously when I say I want to be in the biz to help them and not for their money. I think the way I explain where I am coming from in terms of my purpose and aim in this biz, didnt quite match my intentions. Therefore, I dont blame these people too. I have alot of improve on. I just hope I will remain humble enough to be teachable, and patient enough to see the change. Most of all, I need to learn to let go of some things, and just Let God.

Meet Cleve, my new cousin! My sisters and I visited my new baby cousin for the 2nd time at his home. He is SO adorable! He has such sparkling hazelnut-colored eyes! I fig he's gonna be pretty good looking when he gets older. OH I so love children (below the age of 8)!

I got to know my uncle (baby's dad) a little better today. It is never easy being the last sibling in the family. That I understand so far from my sis, some friends and my youngest uncle. Pressure and expectations from the family is somewhat inevitable. I think their childhood has very much to do with the person they are today. I am interested to find out what my uncle went thru now that I am young adult and not just his baby niece. I feel that he has got a strong family bond going on and I am proud of that. I never did like the way my dad handled his family, esp his wife, my mom.

Oh well, just some pictures to share. Children are such sweet and pure people.

It's my favourite day of the week again! I didnt go to church today coz I wanted to spend some time alone with God in my room. I thought I would take a nap in the afternoon too, like I always do on lazy meaningless Sundays in the past, but I stayed up to get some work done. I finally have a fixed daily schedule that I am comfortable to adhere to. If I follow it closely enough, I think I will be growing quite well as an individual.

My daily schedule will be put into action tmr. One of the agenda of the day is "learning time", which according to my definition, has 3 sub agendas. Namely, "Motivation", "Knowledge" as in financial wisdom, and "Skill" as in skills needed to get the job done well. Tmr I will start off with Knowledge and Skills.I am more excited aboutlearning up on the latter coz there's where my interest really is. I reckon myself to be more of a Relationship person than a insurance person. Someone once told me that insurance agent is also a highly paid social worker. That is if their focus is not on the money (lest they called salesman already) but on the people they meet. I shall pick up some books or surf online for insight into psychology of selling/buying. Therez a whole lot of reasons behind why I chose to start on this topic but I shall leave that to another time.

Well, all the desire to learn up and grow for this biz welled up over the weekend as I was thinking thru what a friend mentioned in her blog, about being passionate about what to do with our lives. I realised I was facing the same situation as my friend. Her, or rather, our issue is that we have been pursuing certain goals in our 23 good years of education etc. We have also attained our goals. But the thing is, for me, I was never passionate about anything to the point of obsession or even burning desire. For example, a professional sportsman will eat drink sleep and breathe their sport and be really good at it. But I have never really done that for anything. Not even for my CCAs, my studies (I majored in Marketing, but I am not interested to have a career in that), my relationship with people, with God. Never, there just never was that passion within me.

But I want to be passionate about what I do which translates into being passionate about living and life in general. Since I chose to be in financial planning industry, it shall be greatly involved in who I will become and how I will become who I will be in gradually. My life will evolve this way because my life is a gift from God and I have prayed about my calling into this biz. I know I will die one day and I have a lifespan which is not within my control. But I know that I was not put here to just eat and sleep and pass time and just experience life. THat is meaningless and fruitless. I want to be friends with people who need friends who truly understand and care. I want take care of their fundamental needs i.e. finances. And most of all I want them to see that they are not their own God and that there IS a God out there. This is what I want to be passionate about.

I know it's not going to be easy but I also know that I will NOT be doing all these on my own. I got my answers to the questions and doubts mentioned in my previous blog entry. Miraculously, they came in many different forms and from many people. But all that summed up to ONE answer which made it clear to me that I am moving on the right direction. I just pray that I will remain humble as I grow and learn.

Thanks be to God for friends, family and Life.

I received one of the best sms from an ex-colleague and brother-in-Christ. It reads:

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
Happy moments, Praise God.
Difficult moments, Seek God.
Quiet moments, Worship God.
Painful moments, Trust God.
Every moment, Thank God.

I say it's one of the best msges I received thus far coz it came in such a timely manner. It was so good I sent it to another friend from church coz he's going a rough patch too. Thanks be to God to everything good and bad.

Despite knowing all that, I still have my moments of doubt and despair. Just this morning, I was once again worried about my inactivity in meeting people and practising my fact-finding (an essential part of the biz). My thoughts drifted to worries about my future in the insurance biz. Basically I dont quite see a future in this line for long. I'd wanna go into investment and estate planning and all. But here I am worrying about all that when I have not even mastered my insurance pdts. I also thought about how meaningless all these would be at the end of my life. Would it matter if I really made it to honours club or MDRT?! Does it matter if I make 20 calls today or next week, or reach my target of $20,000 FYC by the end of this year?! Why am I even striving for all that?! Whatever for? Everything seemed so meaningless, once again (not the first time I had this thought).

On my (long) way home from town, I even told the Lord to take me home. I wondered about what my life was all about if all I had to do was to keep challenging myself. At the end of the road, where would these challenges mean to me and others?! Doesnt it seem like God is treating us like puppets, throwing us into the deep end, sometimes for months or even years, then bringing us outta it. Before we know it, we're into a trough again. Is that what life is all about? Surviving trial after trial, like a puppet which is fully at itz master's disposal? If my life was so vulnerable, I'd rather the Lord take me home now coz I just dont see a point in staying on in this really ugly world. Well, my mind was filled with these 'suicidal' thoughts as I trodded home on this super long bus ride around singapore....

I believe I am not here to just eat sleep and be merry and I do beleive that Life is Great (yup, I do like my co.). But why do I keep having devil thoughts about the negativity of life?! I beg thee, pray tell!

On a brighter side of things, I got a few encouraging smses from old friends thanking me for various things that happened. As for now, I shall take it one step at a time and talk to Jesus before I end my day.

Night world.

There are so many reasons to give thanks to the Lord today. First of all, I saw the grace of God when I saw a different worship leader on stage today. It was supposed to be my new friend AC who was supposed to lead worship today. I assumed from his blog that it was a pretty hard time for him this week as he had to prepare for worship etc, but I did expect him to lead worship afterall. To my surprise, the lady that took over actually did so coz she knew AC was having a hard time with his family problem etc. Thanks be to God for such loving and helpful friends. =)

I met up with an ex-colleague from the airport after church today. I had the intention to somehow get her to do biz with me. But it turned out that I was unable to due to her medical conditions. My mind was somewhat pre-occupied with the thoughts of how to get to get onto the topic of insurance. I prayed to God that I would have a smooth transition somewhere somehow during our conversation. I also prayed for myself to be sincere towards my friend and not be so biz/money-minded. Guess what, I really did not at all think abt my problem i.e. the need to do biz with her so that I will earn outta it. INstead I was so fixed on her and whatever she was saying. I actually felt burdened as she poured out her burdens and worries, well, basically her life up till now. Instead of getting her to buy something from me (partly distracted to do so as she has medical condition that prevents her frombeing insured at all), I felt this push to spread the word of God to her. I felt that was the only thing that could help her go through whatever she was going through. I could have just made an excuse to leave and end the conversation there and then, but I thank God for making me think less of myself but more for others. This is exactly what I wanna do, and I am glad I was able to make this first step.

I realised I am truly blessed. For the first time in my life I was able to listen to people without passing judgement. I realised I have learnt to appreciate people much more for who they are rather than stop short by stereotyping them. And since my knowledge of the world is SO miserably small, stereotyping just narrows my perspectives further. I basically become more and more narrow minded and self centered. BUt I thank God that I am able to really be interested in those around me, to love them as my fellow sisters and brothers and listen to their side of the story, whether or not I think it is right or wrong. Anyway, who am I to judge if what they did was right/wrong. I am no God, so far from it.

Besides that, I thank God for the life I have led so far. I've lamented on how not very smart I am compared to some of my peers. I also lamented about my family's social status compared to some of my peers. I also did the same for having to work my ass off for people, awful mean people who should die and burn in hell. BUt when I hear and know of people close to my heart who have gone thru much more, I couldnt ever imagine myself in their shoes, going through what they did. THese are times when I know I am truly blessed. I'll feel ashamed at the same time for bitching about life, which in fact there is a whole lot more for me to give praise for. Human beings are just weird creatures. The negatives always seem to come in multiples while the good always seem to come singularly or not at all (or so it seems), doesnt it?

Life is really not bad. Thanks be to God for friends, family, love and life.

Major downtime for me right now coz I have 2 appointments today but I am down with flu and a sore throat. I wonder what my mentor is going to say when he gets back from Viet. "oh u didnt meet ANYONE at all when I was away?!". Was it pure coindence that everyone on my appt list decided to postpone their appt or is it all part of God's plans to make me realise some more things? Well, the thing is, during my 'off' days when I was free from appts, due to the postponement, I did realise some fundamental issues about what I was doing with my work and the people I'd meet. Up to this point, I am still questioning myself about the job, my purpose, my future etc. Yup it happens every now and then and it is hard to ignore these lingering thoughts. Perhaps God is taking these appts away from me temporarily so that I can have some quiet time to reflect on my motives, my progress and to give me a direction on how to move on more meaningfully from here. Oh well, either that or I could be giving myself a perfect excuse to not meet people at all. But the truth is I am really ill now!

Anyway, J's bday dinner was great! The food was superb, and the company was great too, surprisingly. I thought I'd be awkward dining with her mom, more so with her elder sis. But all went well. In fact, I feel that her family members are really great to chat with. Honest, sincere and rather down-toearth despite their.. social status? Anyhow, dinner was great and I love love love the food. Do check out Hotel 1929's Ember Rstn. It serves fushion food with such unique flavours that I never tried anywhere else. Oh but reservations needed coz the place is pretty small with limited seatings for the rising demand.

Ok, time for breakfast followed by 'non-drowsy formula' flu med. but hey, As if! I knocked out after taking it last night. It is my last source for recovery so heck la. PAss out also must take. Still hoping that my noon appt will be willing to postpone the meeting later. If not, someone standy ambulance at sing post at noon pls. Oh, and weather looks great for tanning at Cafe Del Mar. !!! But I am ill. So home-bound am I for this lovely saturday. I shall read my bible and talk to Jesus & get some backend prep done for my work. Laters!~

I finally got into an accident. Minor one with no money outta my pocket needed. I thought I'd be scared and fearful of demanding a claim from the rather silly driver, but it turned out that I was annoyed more than anything else. He made me step out of my car in shorts and ugly tee. My specs were on, and I later realised that my hair was sticking outta my head. Totally unglamourous. And this had to happen at orchard road, of all places! On hindsight, I should have scolded the driver for driving so recklessly. He should be grateful that he hit a car not a a bike. It could have been fatal if it was a biker instead of me.

Oh well, I am dead tired from a day of doing nothing much. I even had time to go Cafe del mar for a beer. I feel dehydrated. Too much alcohol after a long period of alcohol-drought. I need rest and I need motivation to work harder.

Good night.

I never expected to be home so late on a Wednesday night, midweek! It was a spur of the moment thing when Cindy got me to go to Zouk with her and her friend from NAFA. We drank quite abit, considering that I was driving them home. Met some cool indian IT people as well as 2 brits who were just out to, u know what.

It was the weirdiest feeling I had as I was sitting at the bar counter, sipping the corona and taking in 2nd hand smoke. I was actually speaking to God, telling him how meaningless all this was. People dancing to familiar tunes which were made of lyrics that made no sense. People were dancing and jumping, smoking, drinking, laughing and yelling at the top of the lungs. It was a familiar scene but I never thought of it as mess and noise. It surely was fun having my little sister and her buddy there. But it was just differnet from my previous visits to that place. I didnt feel out of place. But I felt so much at ease. I was in birks, a tank top and just casual pants. i.e. not dressed to club. But it didnt bother me at all. I didnt even bother about what others thought of me, which is something really different from my previous visits. There was peace within me, so much so that I could really enjoy the situation that I was in and really enjoy the peace within as well as the music thumping at the background. I thank God for that.

I admit I used to bother a whole lot about how people thought of me. I am still trying to think less of that and I am glad I went to Zouk today and tested and overcame that part of me.

Thanks be to God for the blessings each day.

Thanks be to God for giving me the strength and will to make those phone calls. I actually got quite addicted to calling more pple. Anyhow, it is quite disturbing to know that most of my peers are not happy with what they are doing. I think there is a quarter-crisis phenomenon out there that right now. The realities of life just cant get more real than in the working world. ALl the best to the young adults out there. I will be keeping you all in my prayers.

Many things happened since I last blogged. Alfred's friend, Aidan, passed away in a bike accident, while his girlfriend is still recuperating from the multiple surgeries on her spine and lungs (I think). I finally gotta meet more people, including ex-colleagues from the airport for my job. And I finally finally got my laptop from the PC Show. Thanks be to God for the timely provision.

I am supposed to be calling people up now for appointment, but as usual, the phone 'weighs a tonne' and I just cant make myself do it. ?! My group manager just told me this morning that our business is all about activity. ALL. Si liao, I am inactive. i.e. no business, no money. I think I need to hang out with more motivated and positive people. Fly with the eagles, and not drown with the ducks.

So much goes through my mind everytime I think of what I should do as a life planner. I have to reason my way out of thinking that I am meeting people just to get my hands on their money. The fact is I want to like people more than their money. But some people are so ugly (character) it stops and demoralises me from doing everything that I know I have to do. So no matter how much reasoning I do to motivate myself, I dont get cracking. Sounds so damn stupid, if you get what I mean.

4 mins to 7pm. I have 4 mins to bitch before I pick up that big fat phone. I cant stand it that I am worrying about the silliest things when all I have to do is, just do it and shut up, bitch.

GOtta work.