My mom, sister and I will be leaving SIN on wed. Preparedness: 20%. Shall pump up the other 80% by end of tmr.

Basically I realised I do not like travelling free-and-easy. I like to take the plane and enjoy sitting in the plane without thinking about work or SIN at all. But the planning of itinerary, getting ard in a strange land with no assistance etc, not my cuppa. I think that is why I have been feeling moody lately. I can't stand it that this holiday planning thing is still not done.

Other reasons for being moody and SIAN, is mostly coz of work too. Usual self-doubt and comparing with others always make me feel very inadequate. I know all that but I still do it anyway. I also realised I do not really know what I want out of this job, therefore it translates into being easily lost in what I am doing. As in, I know what to do on a micro level, but I do not prioritise and focus well enough.

I also pondered over the issue of Friendship. I figure it should be more than just spending time with each other, getting one another out when we have nothing better to do. I want friends who I can confide in, even about my inadequacies, knowing that I will not be judged.

Frankly, some of my friends, even the closer ones, are quick to judge. I am guilty of that too. I wanted so much to tell someone how I felt the past week, but I realised those that had time for me then, I could not tell much without feeling like I am being judged. Those who I know I can speak at length with about my thoughts and feeling, were not available. The best person was in another time zone altogether. Hence, the super sian-ness.

Mr Different-Timezone was prob the best person to speak to. Before he left for exchange in Canada, I told him to take the next 6 months to learn as much about himself as he can. I think I will do likewise during my trip to switz. The best person to understand is prob yourself/myself. Everything else should make more sense thereafter.

I think it is God's blessing upon me and my mom! I just heard that my sister just got both of us travelling pass each for Switz. It is exactly the thing I was fretting about for the past few days. I wonder if it has anything to do with Mr Chew (u know who u are). Hehe

Today my agency had a class for some of us and the topic was on Retirement Planning. You see, an average person will actually be working for about 40 years, just to have a comfortable retirement by about age 60. Retirement will last for about another 20 years thereafter. That is a total of about 80 years of living on earth.

A thought came to me as we were going through all the financial planning issues involved in retirement planning. Just compare our 80 years of living, with our eternal life in heaven. Doesnt that make our life here so very short compared to our life in general? So isn't it darn important that we make full use of it while we still can? I think that is the reason why really cool and active Christians go all out to help people, to spread the gospel to others. Simply put, Life is Short (besides being Great)! =)

Life is so interesting la. So much to observe and analyse everyday. It is a good way to distract myself, or rather, to understand that my own problems are so small compared to others.

Time to dye my very very dark black hair. Tata!

I am leaving for Switzerland in abt a week's time and I am not excited. There is how much to plan for and it is quite a hassle, if u ask me. I am totally sounding like an ungrateful brat but that IS how I feel right now. I didnt ask to get on this trip, only got it because I had to replace my dad who couldnt make it. And now I have to plan for everything. Plus I am in no capacity to spend there at all. Like how fun can it get, I wonder. I hate this and I hate myself for thinking like that. One word to sum it all up: ARGH!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=2cnRXmMn2Ag

http://youtube.com/watch?v=i0dzZTPWrSM

2 Great videos to catch. Enjoy.

A pretty picture that will not be seen for the next 6 months. Take care Vince! We will miss you.

My friend and I are on MSN right now. It is interesting how a potential cyber-quarrel can become an Aunt Agony session.

We are talking about work, learning, passion for work, life, people, helping people, walking the talk etc. I need help with all that. NOW.

My little brother is going to be so Cha(r)ming. I LUB CHIUDLEN!!!

As I get to meet more and more old faces/friends, I am reaffirmed of my interest and purpose in this business. I would have never thought that I would be sharing my story and listening to theirs 10 or even 5 years back. I am glad I am able to do that now, with utmost honesty and sincerity. I really enjoy listening. It is a joy to just shut up and appreciate another human being and their experiences/emotions.

Honestly, the best part of the job is meeting the people. I absolutely hate to call people up to arrange for appointments. I have been procrastinating for about a week now. The result is obvious. I havent been able to choke up appt for next week and it's already midweek. I dont understand why I have such strong call reluctance. Worse still, I have no idea how to overcome it. Any ideas, anyone?

The following story is very much about Perspective of Life, in general. Enjoy. =)


The Recipe

A little boy is telling his Grandma how everything is going wrong; school, family problems, severe health problems, etc. Meanwhile, Grandma is baking a cake. She asks her grandson if he would like a snack, which of course he does.

"Here, have some cooking oil."

"Yuck" says the boy.

"How about a couple raw eggs?"

"Gross, Grandma!"

"Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?"

"Grandma, those are all

"Grandma, those are all yucky!"

To which Grandma replies: "Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake! Life works the same way."

Havent been able to sleep till noon for quite some time. Felt pretty good doing that. I think I was typing away on msn yest night when I literally dozed off (head nodding away, almost dropping off the bed). That felt good too coz I subsequently fell into a very deep sleep till this afternoon.

The past week was quite eventful considering that I was inactive for one whole day coz I was down with flu. I managed to close one deal with a relative towards the end of the week. Although there were some hiccups along the way and it took a long time for me to complete the proposal online, my aunt was very patient and the deal was finally sealed. Surprisingly I didnt feel as happy as I thought I would as she signed the proposals. I think I was more delighted when she took my advice and finally decided to go with the proposed products. I thnk that's what people call, job satisfaction. =)

Today was a great day to end the week (my week starts on mondays) coz I managed to hook up my ex colleague with my manager, for the former to be introduced into this business of life planning. After the end of the session, the two were very glad to have met each other. One had an 'inspirational day', and the other was glad to be given the trust by a complete stranger and his very new apprentice. As for me, I was very happy for ex colleague, my friend. Nothing feels better than making someone's life better than it used to be. I am so proud to have these two people in my life. They are and will be great influence upon other lives. And I hope to do likewise.

I have never been so aware of my personal development. I feel I am growing everyday (not physically, although I wish I was taller) as I meet more people and situations. At the same time, I worry alot about being incompetent, slow in thinking and learning, inefficient etc. Everyday is a challenge that I wish I can breeze through. That's hardly the case. I prayed about it and on last monday, I heard a little voice in my head telling me to take it one step at a time. I also came across a bible verse telling me to 'not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself', right about the same time I was prayin about my state of constant worrying. I know God speaks to his people in many different ways, just so we can be constantly reminded of what to do and what not to do. God is great.

Right now I am thinking about how I am going to get through this coming week, but thou shalt not worry and just go to sleep. Thinking too much about my own problems is a sign of self-centeredness too. OK world, good night!

Honestly, have you ever questioned if anyone really cares about you? When someone calls u up after a few years, and they ask how u are doing, do they really care?! If you didnt fancy a person whom u have been trying to 'get' for such a long time, would you care about how he/she is doing right now? If you didnt have the means to tell your friend how u were doing from time to time (e.g. thru blogs, msn chat, sms, weekly church service etc), would they bother to find out how u were doing? So really, who really cares for those they know? Who would have the energy and discipline to make it a point to find out how EVERYONE they know is doing at any point in time?Everyone has their own fair share of problems to solve, to handle emotionally and sometimes physically. Who can we always turn to when we have ANY problem at all?

I realised how blessed I was when I met up with new friends thru my bf just a few hours ago. We can never get enough of having more friends, at least that's what I think. I am very glad to befriend these very fun loving and real people who are loyal and honest. They were not there to make my feel less miserable about work but they certainly made me feel valued as a person and as their very good friend's gf. It was just that simple. But I was happy to be valued.

My point is, it doesn't matter if no one really cares for me. No one can take care of others unless they can truly take care of themselves first. And the fact is, many people have so much problem of their own that they arent able to even take care of their own matters to have enough to care of others at the end of the day.

What matters is our own perspective. It's really all in the mind. I have come to terms with how the world really is. It is basically a truly ugly place with many sinners and sin all around me in my country, my home, everywhere! God didnt create this, men did. God gave us choices. God also gave us a brain to think and to decide. He didnt make me study marketing so that I can only do that for a living. I can do whatever I want and I can earn as much money as I want, only if I want to. He didnt create problems that we face on a daily basis, human evolution did. So with all this shit that men created for himself, the result is self-centered, money-centered and wordly success-oriented dreams that people strive to achieve. But who cares how these idiots are doing?! No one except themselves! SO why should I be upset when I am under-valued, misunderstood and ignored when I try to help? I don't blame these people.

Ok I had a few glasses of beer and these are just some thoughts that came to my mind as I started blogging. I was rather discouraged for a few days because I was not making any sale and I was somewhat 'ashamed' to make phone calls for appts. i.e. call reluctance. Thank God for sending my mentor to address this problem. I will do better tmr. Life is too short to regret too much.

I havent been thinking alot these 2 days except about work, how tired and unwellI am and how much I don't feel like working at all. I think I am quite silly to plan to work everyday and not have a full day of rest. Even Jesus rested on sabbath day. So I should too, right?

What's more exasperating is that, although I work everyday, I don't see the money! Show me the money! Not that I am money-minded, but it is a bread-and-butter issue and I can't get ot out of my head. I fret everytime I have to dish out that credit card coz I know I am increasing my debt. It also irritates me when I have to ask my mom to top up my ezlink card for me, and I am already 23 years old. I should be supporting my mom, not the other way round. But I can't seem to find that constant source of motivation for me to keep going. Maybe I think/feel I am sick, more than I really am. You are what you think isn't it? hmmm, I don't like the lazy me.

Conclusion of the week:
1. Alot of procrastination towards the end of this past week. I hope it's really because I am feeling lethargic due to this damn sore throat.
2. Therefore, I really need to work harder.
3. But I shall work harder without touching my Sundays.

I also realised that although I get energy from meeting people, alot of my energy is also taken up because I am always talking. I have alot of getting-used-to do around here. WORK IS NOT EASY. Laziness is such a sweet temptation.

Basically, you can probably tell that I am beginning to bitch about work. I lose focus easily and have a strong tendency to be lazy, i.e. to take the easy way out. Lord, help me grow and leave this inferior side of me behind me, please.