I think my dad and his brothers should consent to using euthanasia on my grandma soon. Sometimes.. No. Most of the time, I think my grandma is better off not alive. She's better off in heaven. But then comes the question of her salvation (If you dont believe in God as in Christ, this will make no sense to you. But to my sisters, my mom and myself, it is the purpose of our being; to be saved and save others thru being living examples to those around us). According to my mom, "she cannot die yet!", just because she has not accepted Christ and gained salvation.

Then I wonder, if we know she has be 'saved' and we (I think it is unanimous) think she is better off not alive, what in the world are we, the Christians closest to her, doing about it now? 'NOTHING' is the resounding answer.

Religion and salvation aside, what the hell are my uncles and dad thinking about when they know there is a problem with their mother, yet they choose to NOT do anything about it. Are their conscience (if any) pricking them at all, especially when my grandma call them up ever so frequently to request for them to fetch her over to their homes to stay? I'd love to film a typical day at my place with my grandma around. She eats regularly at 8am, noon, 4pm & finally at 8pm. She speaks to no one all this while coz everyone is out working their asses off for their hard earned money. When everyone comes back after a hard day's work, she gets screamed at by my mom, and worst of all by my uncontrollably LOUD and amazingly LOW EQ father.

I wont be typing all these if I hadnt seen my grandma cry out loud uncontrollably as we were all watching tv. She must have been thinking about what she said (as she was crying) all this while when she was alone at home. Bottomline is, I think she is depressed, possibly with little or no chance of getting better given the kind of sons she has bred.

As her grandchild, I can do better. I wonder why I am complaining here instead of sitting beside her listening to her side of the story. Pride? Fear of showing my emotions e.g. crying with her? IT IS NOT ME to do something like that. I cry the least in this family (besides my father who probably has no tear duct to begin with), mostly coz I choose to be that way. I dont like it that I know what should be done or what I should do, as a grandchild or simply as a decent person, BUT am not doing it. Somrthing is wrong with me. What is it?

To anyone who is reading this, dont be a parent unless you can take care of yourself, your basic needs and especially your emotions. I'd hate to see my children treat my parents in the way my parents are treating my grandma.