I received one of the best sms from an ex-colleague and brother-in-Christ. It reads:

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
Happy moments, Praise God.
Difficult moments, Seek God.
Quiet moments, Worship God.
Painful moments, Trust God.
Every moment, Thank God.

I say it's one of the best msges I received thus far coz it came in such a timely manner. It was so good I sent it to another friend from church coz he's going a rough patch too. Thanks be to God to everything good and bad.

Despite knowing all that, I still have my moments of doubt and despair. Just this morning, I was once again worried about my inactivity in meeting people and practising my fact-finding (an essential part of the biz). My thoughts drifted to worries about my future in the insurance biz. Basically I dont quite see a future in this line for long. I'd wanna go into investment and estate planning and all. But here I am worrying about all that when I have not even mastered my insurance pdts. I also thought about how meaningless all these would be at the end of my life. Would it matter if I really made it to honours club or MDRT?! Does it matter if I make 20 calls today or next week, or reach my target of $20,000 FYC by the end of this year?! Why am I even striving for all that?! Whatever for? Everything seemed so meaningless, once again (not the first time I had this thought).

On my (long) way home from town, I even told the Lord to take me home. I wondered about what my life was all about if all I had to do was to keep challenging myself. At the end of the road, where would these challenges mean to me and others?! Doesnt it seem like God is treating us like puppets, throwing us into the deep end, sometimes for months or even years, then bringing us outta it. Before we know it, we're into a trough again. Is that what life is all about? Surviving trial after trial, like a puppet which is fully at itz master's disposal? If my life was so vulnerable, I'd rather the Lord take me home now coz I just dont see a point in staying on in this really ugly world. Well, my mind was filled with these 'suicidal' thoughts as I trodded home on this super long bus ride around singapore....

I believe I am not here to just eat sleep and be merry and I do beleive that Life is Great (yup, I do like my co.). But why do I keep having devil thoughts about the negativity of life?! I beg thee, pray tell!

On a brighter side of things, I got a few encouraging smses from old friends thanking me for various things that happened. As for now, I shall take it one step at a time and talk to Jesus before I end my day.

Night world.