My mom, sister and I will be leaving SIN on wed. Preparedness: 20%. Shall pump up the other 80% by end of tmr.

Basically I realised I do not like travelling free-and-easy. I like to take the plane and enjoy sitting in the plane without thinking about work or SIN at all. But the planning of itinerary, getting ard in a strange land with no assistance etc, not my cuppa. I think that is why I have been feeling moody lately. I can't stand it that this holiday planning thing is still not done.

Other reasons for being moody and SIAN, is mostly coz of work too. Usual self-doubt and comparing with others always make me feel very inadequate. I know all that but I still do it anyway. I also realised I do not really know what I want out of this job, therefore it translates into being easily lost in what I am doing. As in, I know what to do on a micro level, but I do not prioritise and focus well enough.

I also pondered over the issue of Friendship. I figure it should be more than just spending time with each other, getting one another out when we have nothing better to do. I want friends who I can confide in, even about my inadequacies, knowing that I will not be judged.

Frankly, some of my friends, even the closer ones, are quick to judge. I am guilty of that too. I wanted so much to tell someone how I felt the past week, but I realised those that had time for me then, I could not tell much without feeling like I am being judged. Those who I know I can speak at length with about my thoughts and feeling, were not available. The best person was in another time zone altogether. Hence, the super sian-ness.

Mr Different-Timezone was prob the best person to speak to. Before he left for exchange in Canada, I told him to take the next 6 months to learn as much about himself as he can. I think I will do likewise during my trip to switz. The best person to understand is prob yourself/myself. Everything else should make more sense thereafter.